Realizations
by Instructor Quistis
Summary: FINISHED Will Seifer be able to make Squall realize that he loves him?. mostly Seifer's pov. Some shounen ai and definate yaoi tones. Please RR
1. Default Chapter

1 Realizations  
  
Disclaimers :Don't own em, I'm just a spoony bard  
  
Warning: This contains some definite yaoi tones, and it has some foul language. Yeah, I know, big fat fucking deal right?  
  
I am a sick, warped, demented little fuck. I get off on his pain. And I think he likes it. Fucking masochist. Not that I'm any better, but that's what you get when you kill people for a living.  
  
It's the thrill of the moment, like the fact that he loves it when I seduce him in the oddest of places, I even gave him a fucking blowjob under his desk one day during an important meeting. It's the fact that we never know when our time together will be our last. I don't think he quite realizes this, but if it wasn't for the fact that I never know if he would be there the next night, I would never have come to him in the first place.  
  
We were both fourteen when it happened. It'd just gotten the better of both of us, we were in a sense, suspended for fighting on the Garden grounds. But there was nothing I could have done about it now, I was already on a track going down real fast. I was the trouble maker, because I always started it, or so they thought. They never saw the looks that he gave me when they had their eyes turned the other way. Those silent 'I want you' eyes he would make me. And damn him all to hell, back then I wasn't about to let some beautiful, strong, decidedly MALE, turn me on like that. No matter what I did I couldn't'  
  
shake the thought of him lying with me, naked in the sunlight.  
  
But he got me good.  
  
It was the first day of our suspension and since we weren't supposed to be on Garden grounds, I was in Balamb. I was sitting on the dock, it always has been my favorite place to go, and there he was. He had the habit, even then, to suddenly appear, looking like he had been there the whole time.  
  
"What are you doing here Seifer? I thought you were gonna go spend your time playing in the Quad."  
  
"You know what Leonheart, You talk too much."  
  
He got quite then, sometimes I'm afraid that I'm the reason he keeps so quiet, I always told him that when we were cadets, but then, he never talked much then either.  
  
"maybe, but I think you're the one who talks to much. That's the reason why we're both out here in the first place. Isn't it?'  
  
Okay.,, so he had a point. I just didn't want to listen to it right now. "Fuck off."  
  
"…" there he went again, talking without talking, I never understood how that was possible, even for him.  
  
"I thought I told you to fuck off? Doesn't that usually mean that you go the hell away? Don't you have some practicing to do or something? Why don't you go study for the test that I'm sure Quistis has waiting for us to take. And while you're at it, you can lube up your cock so it's easier for you to fuck her." I don't know if he was, but that was the rumor going around, why else would he have the best grade in the class with the hardest instructor there was. And the hottest.  
  
But even before his eyes narrowed at me and changed form steel gray to an icy periwinkle, I knew that they were all wrong. He wasn't sleeping with the teacher, he was just that fucking good.  
  
"Okay, I'm sorry."  
  
"What?'  
  
"I said-"  
  
"No,. I heard you, I just wanted to make sure I actually wasn't asleep or something. Did you just say you were sorry? Did the Great Seifer Almasy just say he was Sorry?"  
  
I have no idea when I became the 'Great Seifer Almasy', but I kinda liked it.  
  
But all this isn't getting you the picture is it?  
  
It was there, out on that dock, hours later, neither of us saying a word until he gave me that look again. That 'I want you' look that made me turn hard at the thought.  
  
"Fuck You Leonheart."  
  
He looked up at me with complete surprise in his eyes. "what?"  
  
"I said fuck you. You know, that term that the instructors find so vulgar that if they hear you using freely in speech you end up having to scrape gum off the Quad benches for an hour?"  
  
"…"  
  
damn but was he annoying, especially the way his brow furrowed when he was thinking, and he pursed his lips sort of.  
  
And shit was it sexy.  
  
I never let him finish whatever he was thinking, I shoved him down to the dock, not really thinking about what I was doing, and did to him what I'd wanted to since the first time I saw his face.  
  
His mouth was sweet, warm and wet, inviting me to taste him. And I did.  
  
To this day I don't know why he let me kiss him that first time. But I think maybe even them he wanted me. It was the thrill of knowing I wasn't supposed to be doing this to him that made me hard, that made me do the unthinkable.  
  
I tore at his clothes, that leather jacket of his that he'd bought in Dollet, the furry collar of it ticking my neck and I dragged my lips across his neck. I almost broke the zipper to his pants when I had finally gotten those damn belts off him. I swear he wears them to be chaste for his whole life. But not while I was around. His skin was almost white in the pale early evening light. The last shreds of the day were pink n the sky.  
  
I had him almost naked, he was only wearing his boxers, a bit of black cotton, smooth on my hands and begging to be taken off, when he realized what I was doing. He stilled underneath me, his roaming hands stopping dead in their tracks to rest on my ass.  
  
"Seifer…" He was breathless.  
  
I groaned. "What Leonheart. Do you want me to stop? Because I don't know if I can."  
  
"I just wanted to know if you had any idea how long I've waited for this."  
  
What? He was waiting for this? But the thoughts weren't coherent in my mind, just the fact that he was there with his beautiful body spread out beneath me.  
  
His hands went into motion again, pulling off my coat and vest. I watched as he raised his head enough to dart his pink tongue out and capture a nipple in his mouth. The sensation sent fire into my blood and I pulled away briefly to take off my boots. His were still on and I have no idea now that I think about it how I managed to take off his pants over them. It's just another one of life's mysteries. But they had to go. I wanted him completely naked in my arms and heat meant those damn boots were going.  
  
And all I knew that he was naked, and my flesh against his sent heat throughout my body and I had to have him. I don't remember too much about it now. But that was just the beginning of it all.  
  
  
  
I can look back on that night with a smile now. How innocent we'd been then. We've discovered many ways to please each other since that night, and even though both our bodies are scares by battle, there are some scars that were inflicted in the name of pleasure. There is nothing Squall likes better than to be chained up. He's broken my bed once that way. I never knew he was that strong. And Hyne how I love to whip him. The thin slashes across his back make him moan in pleasure, the pure kinkiness of it turns him on. And it gets me so hard to watch the look on his face when the leather hits. The pain and pleasure, all confused into one feeling.  
  
And Poor Dumb Rinoa, she'll never get it. He won't sleep with her because she isn't me. Although I think he told her it was because he wanted to wait. Wanted it be special. And I think tonight will be. I plan on it. Yeah, Seifer Almasy has a romantic streak. But fuck that. If I knew that we would have the rest of our lives to sort this out then I would be asking him to be exclusively mine tonight. I'm a selfish little bastard and I can't think of him sharing his bed with anyone else even on a non-sexual manner without being jealous. I think I love him. How great is that? SeeDs aren't given the time in their life to love. We aren't supposed to make permanent attachments. But there he is. The simple fact that he's always wanted me, since as long as I can remember, and the fact that for so long I denied him. I want to touch him. I don't give a shit how people feel about it. He's mine and I don't dare let him out of my grasp or someone else will take him. He's more vulnerable than people think. He cries at night, he fears things. And only I know. Because I'm there to hold him when he cries.  
  
Maybe I'm not such a sick twisted fuck. Because I do love him. And I think I'll wait here in his office in the candlelight to tell him just that.  
  
~fin~  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: I have no idea where this came from. Just sat down and here it is. I just wanted to see what Seifer was thinking about Squall. Please leave me a little review if ya read this… I'll give ya a cookie… 


	2. 2

Realizations  
  
Chapter two  
  
Disclaimers: Don't own em, I'm just a spoony bard  
  
Warning: This contains some definite yaoi tones, and some foul language, Yeah, I know, big fat fucking deal.  
  
Yeah, well, now I'm getting nervous. I've been sitting here in the soft glow of the candlelight waiting for him for over an hour. Damn him and his fucking headmaster duties. It was so much simpler when we were both cadets n our last year. Even then, when I was the worst, he was there for me.  
  
And Here I am. The Great Seifer Almasy. I'm not so great. Although I like the title. Squall gave it to me, but I think I mentioned that.  
  
I'm acting more and more like him. I get absorbed into my thought just like he does. At least I haven't started saying 'whatever'. I must have been spacing out for a while now because I snap out of in an instant. I can hear the doorknob turning. My senses are just that damn refined. But so are his, he can tell someone is in here. I can see the Lionheart peeking around the corner.  
  
"It's just me." I say. The blue blade disappears and I'm greeted with his ice-cold glare. I guess he's remembering the fight last night.  
  
"What are you doing here." It's not really a question. It's a statement of his annoyance. And I could feel the smirk coming to my lips. There goes my heart wrenching confession of my love. Hyne I am an asshole. He was right to call me Seifer Almasy, asshole extraordinaire. Yeah, that's me all right.  
  
"I wanted to tell you something."  
  
"If it's about last night then I don't want to hear it."  
  
"I love you."  
  
"You don't even know the meaning of the words."  
  
I wanted him to hurt for that. I reached out and pulled him into my lap. Sure, his office chair was plenty big enough for two, but I had him where I wanted him.  
  
"I want you."  
  
"That's more like the Seifer I know. The great Seifer Almasy."  
  
"You still talk too much." Fuck my confession if he wasn't gonna listen to me. I don't need him. I just want him. He's the perfect little toy to play out all my fantasies with.  
  
It was seconds before I had him on his desk under me.  
  
And minutes before we're both spent, our heartbeats pounding together. Our breaths mingling together.  
  
I think I'm gonna explode. He's right fucking there, and all I can do is use his body. Forget the fact that I am a fucking hopeless romantic, that's what got me into the whole sorceress mess in the first place.  
  
I just wanted to prove to him that I was worth something. I wanted to be his knight in fucking shining armor. But I'm not. And now we have to doge around Rinoa.  
  
Maybe that's who he wants to catch us. It would be a hell of a lot easier on him to just let her catch him, but I'm never one to do things the easy way. I can hear the people for his meeting coming down the hallway. Could they make any more fucking noise? I know Squall heard them too.  
  
It only takes seconds to re-clothe. We've both become so good at it. Dressing in an instant. I walked out of his office without a glace back.  
  
There I go being a sick twisted fuck again. I can't even tell him how special he is to me. He thinks it's about the sex. But I know better. I love him. And I'll go up against the fucking sorceress to prove it to him. 


	3. 3

Realizations  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Disclaimers: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony bard.  
  
Warnings: This has some definite yaoi tones, oh yeah, and some foul language. Yeah, I know, Big fat fucking deal.  
  
Stupid bitch, does she just not get the picture? Sometimes I swear I'll beat it into her fucking head if she doesn't open her eyes. He doesn't love her, never has and never will.  
  
And he's mine. I don't know where she gets off thinking he belongs to her.  
  
And here I am, my stupid ass is standing right in front of her door, waiting for her to open it. I don't even know what I'm going to say.  
  
"Seifer?" her voice is still sweet, innocent like a child's. But that's all Rinoa is anyway. A child. She doesn't even think about the way she acts. It's almost like trying to deal with an over possessive twelve year old.  
  
"I have to talk to you."  
  
"You and I have nothing to say to each other."  
  
"It's about Squall." that got her attention real fast. The mention of her 'knight'. Hyne if only she knew how much that annoyed him. He wasn't her knight. If he was anyone's knight, he was mine. The savior of my heart… my dreams.  
  
"He's okay, isn't he?" she looked worried, and that didn't surprise me. She would be as long as it had something to do with her happiness and the fact that Squall tried to treat her like a fucking princess. I know how he really feels about her, holding him there in my arms in the dead of night, him telling me how he just wants her to go play in the training center and run into a t-rexaur. She could never handle something like that herself.  
  
"Can I come in. I don't want other people to hear us." I didn't even feel like the 'slime ball' that Rinoa was sure to call me. But she opened the door, unaware of the impending danger I carried to her happiness. I was about to burst her stupid little bubble.  
  
"He's okay?" she offered me a cup of coffee, witch I declined, I wasn't going to be here long enough for me to finish a cup of coffee.  
  
"Well enough I could say. But this has to deal with you, and him. Together, both of you." When did I start sounding like Fuijin? "He doesn't love you. He's been seeing someone lese for a long time. They were even together before you came around." It's true at least. We had never broken up, but then, we were never officially together. That's why I let myself be [played with by Rinoa that one summer.  
  
"Squall… is seeing someone else?" She blinked, not quite sure if I was lying or just being The Great Seifer Almasy, Asshole Extradanaire, again. "Who?"  
  
"Me."  
  
"Very funny. Do you think this is some sort of sick joke you can play on me? I'll tell Squall.. I'll…"  
  
"Tell him then Rin… go ahead. See if I give a fuck. He's not your 'knight' Rinoa, he's mine. And I'm not talking about that stupid sorceress shit. I'm talking about a knight in shining amour, the ones that ride off into he sunset with their princess, or in this case, prince, on a white horse."  
  
Her eyes got big. I guess that was when she figured I wasn't lying.  
  
"Rin…." My voice came out soft. Surprising even me. "We are together, have been since our cadet days. You just, got in the middle of it. I love him Rin… and I'd go up against all the forces in the world to prove that to him. Please…" Hyne, is that me? Am I begging her to stay away from him? To let me keep him in my arms for as long as we can stand each other? I sounded pathetic. "You have to let him go. He was never yours to begin with. He's mine."  
  
And then she started to cry. Why is it that I can stand all the horrible things that Ultemecia put me through and all the horrible things I've seen, I still can't stand the sight of someone crying.  
  
"Hell no… Rin.. come on. You know I can't stand it when I see someone crying." I pulled her hands away from her face. "Stop it now." And she did. The tears subsiding to sniffles.  
  
"you love him don't you?" she whispered, but I heard her. Those fine tuned senses of mine ar good for something.  
  
"Yeah. I do."  
  
"Does he know?"  
  
"He doesn't believe me."  
  
"I want him to be happy. He's not happy with me is he?" Her eyes shone with her tears and the innocent hope that he was. I shook my head, dashing that hope to pieces. "he's happy with you isn't he? I see some mornings and he's almost glowing. But then he sees me and he's a storm again."  
  
I shrug, unable to answer. I want to tell her yes, that he's happy with me.  
  
I want him to be happy with me.  
  
Because I just broke her spell over him. And I want to be there to watch the rainbow at the end of the storm.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N Okay. I don't normally do all this junk with that chapters and all. It's just a pain in the tail. I know where I'm going with this. And you people are just gonna have to wait to read the next part. And hey, redrum, I'm sorry I wrote fin on the first chapter. The whole thing just didn't feel done to me and you'll have as many chapters as it takes to get that way. And Voice in the Wind… sorry no I love you's yet. I'm getting there. Please leave me a nice little review… 


	4. 4

Realizations  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Disclaimers: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony Bard.  
  
Warning: This has some definite yaoi tones. And some foul language. Yeah, I know big fat fucking deal.  
  
  
  
  
  
She said she sees him some mornings and he's glowing? Yeah, right. Well, then again I would never know. He leaves be too early to know.  
  
I've always been a late riser, and Squall would be content just staying awake the whole time. He always liked to be on top of things. Especially his work. There were some nights I would have to drag him to my bed with me to get him to close his eyes.  
  
But he was never there in the morning. Sometimes I think he would just wait until I was asleep and then go. But other times I knew that wasn't the case when he would wake me up with one of his nightmares. He told me about them once. A dark thing coming after him with no one to help him. The way he talked about it, it scared me. Scared by a fucking nightmare that wasn't even mine. See what falling in love with him has done to me? I'm not such a prick anymore. Selphie says I'm actually almost likeable. And that's a scary thought right there.  
  
I don't know why Rinoa agreed to help me. I don't know when she grew up and stopped thinking about herself and started thinking about what other people wanted, or needed. But I'm glad she's on my side of this. Said she'd talk to him. I have no idea how to take that. Help from the people I tried to kill. Even Squall. Sometimes I wonder why he ever came back to me after all this shit happened. He says he doesn't love me, but he wants me, and I know that.  
  
My only options are to sit here in the Quad on a lonely bench with no one around to see my misery, and thank Hyne for that, and wait for him.  
  
And of course he comes. He always checks each area of the Garden before going to his room at night. And I'm still sitting there waiting for him.  
  
"What are you doing here… aren't you supposed to be in bed?" he seems distant.  
  
"Something wrong?" I ask quietly.  
  
"Rinoa just left me. Said that there was some thing I needed to sort out." His face gained that cold and controlled look that everyone knew him for. "What did you say to her about us?"  
  
"The truth. You're not the liar, I am. You're not the prick who cheats on people. I am. Stop trying to be someone you're not. It doesn't suit you." I glared at him in a sudden burst of anger and frustration. Be always did shit like this. Becomes cold the moment he is in even the slightest emotional situation.  
  
"We need to talk."  
  
Damn right we did.  
  
"But not here. Meet me in my room in 20 minutes." And my lion walked away.  
  
  
  
Sitting in his room is something that always makes me nervous. I'm afraid to touch anything because I know that he knows exactly where everything is and if I move something even the slightest bit he accuses me of snooping. And I don't snoop.  
  
Ten minutes left. How died he know I had talked with Rinoa? Has he just gotten that damn good at reading people? Not even I'm that good and I require to be around people. He never needed anyone.  
  
I want him to need me.  
  
Five minutes left.  
  
I could proably time him down to the second that twenty minutes after hje told me to meet him, he would walk in the door. He was that punctual.  
  
Thirty seconds.  
  
One last look aroud the room and take in a nervouse breath. The door opened.  
  
He's always beautiful. Even in this state of confusion. He looks like the little boy in a Charlie brown shirt who used to stand out in the rain waiting for sis. A little lost, and even then, the rain never hid his tears from me.  
  
There was no rain now.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Sorry this is all plot. I shold have chapter five up soon. No love this chapter. I have so many ideas for the next one though…. 


	5. 5

1 Realizations  
  
Chapter five  
  
Disclaimers: Don't own em, I'm just a spoony bard.  
  
Warning: This has some definite yaoi tones. It also has some foul language. Yeah, I know, big fat fucking deal.  
  
  
  
It's the last thing I expected from him. Tears. But he's standing right in front of me, his cold façade gone to the winds. His fears all evident on his face.  
  
"Don't cry." I whisper. I don't even think it registered in my brain that I was speaking out loud until he locked his eyes with mine.  
  
"I can't help it. Rinoa just told me…" he took in a deep shaky breath. "Just told me that I'm incapable of love. That I'm a cold bastard. All because of you."  
  
"I'm sorry Squall. I just…" there were no more excuses. Just my wounded lion who needed the shelter of someone's arms that night. And I would be more than willing to comply. I held my hand out to him. And as always, his stubborn pride would not let him take it.  
  
"Damn you." I dropped the offered hand and stepped forward. He couldn't let himself give in to me. I always had to make the initiative with him. And he looked so sweet wrapped up in my trenchcoat with me.  
  
"I do love you. You know that, right?" I whispered in his hair. "I don't think I can do this without you. I can't be without you."  
  
He looked up at me with his steel gray eyes. The tears made them look almost blue. And I can remember the first time I realized how I felt.  
  
  
  
It was right before the sorceress war. We were sparring. The famous fight where we marked each other. Sometimes I wonder if it really was an accident or if I was trying to mark him as my property so no one else would touch him. But there we were. Fighting as usual. Still trying to prove ourselves that none of this mattered. Still trying to fucking lie to myself. But I couldn't even then. He'd made me want him, actually want him. And now I just couldn't get enough of him. Shit, I'd even fucked him in the secret area.  
  
And even then he liked the pain. The shock of me slamming him against the wall and biting his throat. He loved it. I think back now and wonder how people never linked us together even after all the marks we left on each other.  
  
And we fought. The slash across his face, countered with a matching one on mine. A mark. Something that would have been easily countered with a Curaga, but too precious to get rid of.  
  
A permanent mark from my lover.  
  
And Hyne how he bled.  
  
I was so scared that I'd killed him. I carried him to the infirmary. His blood soaking through my old coat. I'd have to buy a new one if the blood never came out.  
  
I still have that coat too.  
  
I left him there with Dr. Kadowaki. I couldn't face him. Decided right then and there that I had to make it look like I did it on purpose. I felt so guilty. But he was okay. And I was once again branded the asshole. A role that by that time I was getting used to.  
  
And then I realized why I felt so shitty about this.  
  
I loved him.  
  
  
  
I can still feel his body shaking with his tears. It reminds me of all the times in the night when he woke up crying from his dreams. I held him then too.  
  
"Come sit down." And I pulled him to me closer. He couldn't move, or didn't want to. So I picked him up like the prince would a princess and carried him to his room. I sat him on his bed. The bed that sometimes was referred to as ours.  
  
"Don't leave me." He whispered. His soft voice tickling my ears.  
  
"I wasn't planning on it."  
  
I held as we lay on his, our, bed. Until he fell asleep in my arms. And then I could finally pull away from him enough tot take off my coat. And after careful consideration. His coat too.  
  
I lay back down next to him, holding him close to me as I pulled the covers over us.  
  
I would hold him until he was ready to talk. Because I couldn't let him go.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Okay, a little love here. So very close to getting to where I want to be. Please leave me nice little review? Do it damnit, or I won't write anymore! 


	6. 6

Realizations  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own em, I'm just a spoony bard.  
  
Warning: This has some definite yaoi tones. This also has some foul language. Yeah, I know. Big fat fucking deal  
  
  
  
He looks so beautiful when he sleeps. Pink lips slack his eyes closed, his dark lashes fanned out on his cheekbones, his pale skin illuminated by the moonlight.  
  
Why can't he just believe me? I love him Hyne damnit! But he could never listen to me.  
  
"I love you," I whisper. Hyne I hope that somewhere in his dreams he sees me. Because I see him in mine all the fucking time. I can feel him starting to wake up before I can see it, even thought I'm watching his face closely for any sign he might be doing just that. He shifts a little just before his face registers any sign of awareness.  
  
"Seifer?" His eyes flutter open. "How long have I been here?"  
  
I glance over at the clock. I want to tell him not long enough. But the truth is, "four hours."  
  
"I should go."  
  
"Stay? Please?" I know I sound like a fucking little kid who's had a bad dream and wants to go sleep with mom and dad, a leisure that neither of us has never had.  
  
"You'd want me to? After all I've put you through?" I love the way he gets so quiet when he's not sure of something. Especially when he's dropped his mask.  
  
"Yeah, I want you to. Why wouldn't I?"  
  
"Because I'm an ass."  
  
I smile a little. "No, I'm the ass, remember? You're the iceberg."  
  
"Thanks for shoving it in my face again."  
  
"I didn't mean it like that." I reached up and smoothed away the frown on his face with my thumb. "I meant that it's just so hard to reach you."  
  
"Rinoa left me." He reminded me. "I think she thought I was cold too." He frowned again and I immediately brushed it away again.  
  
"No, she didn't lave you because you're cold. She left you because I went to her. Remember our fight?"  
  
"Yeah, It's just that my mind is still a little foggy. I think I need a cup of coffee if we're going to talk."  
  
I slid out of bed and turned the lights on low. Yeah, we were gonna talk. All fucking night if it took me that long to make him listen to me. The coffee pot in my kitchen has only been used twice. . Both times for Squall. I don't drink coffee. But him, he drinks about three gallons of the shit a day. No wonder he has trouble sleeping all the damn time.  
  
I started a pot going. The French vanilla stuff he likes. I'd bought it in Deling about a week ago on my last mission. Don't ask me why. I just saw it and thought of him.  
  
I am truly pathetic. Sometimes I feel like a love struck teenage girl when it comes to him. I bet that if I walked into a toy store I'd walk out with at least one stuffed lion just because of him. Shit, I've even bought most of the newspapers that have him on the front cover.  
  
Coffee started, I walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch. He'd already gotten out of bed and was waiting for me in the oversized, overstuffed, leather chair. It suited him for some odd reason to be sitting in that particular chair with only his pants and t-shirt on.  
  
"Well?" He looked at me expectantly. "What do you want to talk about?"  
  
"Don't start playing coy. That's Rinoa shit. You don't play that game and neither do I. You know what I want to talk about."  
  
"Us." He looked away from me when he said it.  
  
"Do you still want me Squall?" Hyne what a fucked up question to be the first out of my mouth.  
  
"Of course I do. You know I do. Shit, yesterday you fucked me on my office desk. If I didn't want you do you think that would have happened?"  
  
"No." I sighed. "Do you love me?"  
  
"What the hell kind of question is that to ask me? I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're asking me stuff that I shouldn't answer when my brain is fuzzy." He rolled his eyes.  
  
"Well then don't think about the fucking answer and just say whatever you want to. I just need to fucking know." See what being around him does to me sometimes? It turns me into a complete asshole. Especially when he won't talk.  
  
"…"  
  
How frustrated can I get before I snap. I think that's the game he's playing. He mutters something low. So low, I can't hear it even with my sensed so finely tuned.  
  
"I can't hear you when you mumble." I sound annoyed, and I am.  
  
"I said yeah, I do."  
  
"You… do?"  
  
He sighed again and looked right into my eyes. The steely color of them took my breath away, just like it always does.  
  
"Yeah, I love you."  
  
  
  
A/N Yea!! Squall confesses. I think I might do something a little different next chapter. But let me know what you people think. 


	7. 6b

Realizations  
  
Chapter 6B  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own em, I'm just a spoony bard.  
  
Warning: This has some definite yaoi tones. Also, this has some foul language. Yeah, I know, big fat fucking deal.  
  
  
  
Squall's POV  
  
I don't think he knows I'm awake, just laying here listening to him breathe. I can tell he's watching me. I know I'll have to tell him sooner or later. Just not now. I don't want him to ask me the questions I know he'll ask.  
  
"I love you." I can hear him whisper it in the darkness, inches away from my ears. But he could have been miles and I still would have heard it. Right now, I can hear his heart beating and his lungs breathing. Shit, if I tried I could probably hear his muscles moving.  
  
I guess it's now or never. I'll have to face him sooner or later.  
  
I start to slowly shift. I don't even know how, but I know I shift just the slightest bit right before I wake up. I stretch a little and open my eyes.  
  
"Seifer? How long have I been here?" I know the answer to that one. Just about four hours.  
  
"Four hours."  
  
"I should go." No, make me stay. I don't really want to go, But I don't really want to stay and talk. But I know I have to.  
  
"Stay. Please?"  
  
"You'd want me to? After all I've put you through?" It's a game I play. Always trying to confuse him. I know he wants me to stay, I want to stay.  
  
"Yeah I want you to. Why wouldn't I?"  
  
"Because I'm an ass."  
  
He smiles a little. "No, I'm the ass, remember? You're the iceberg."  
  
That stings just a little. "Thanks for shoving it in my face again." I frown.  
  
"I didn't mean it like that." He brushes away my frown with his thumb. "I meant that it's just so hard to reach you."  
  
"Rinoa left me." Thank you Seifer for showing her I didn't belong with her. "I think she thought I was cold too." I never understood how she could think I wanted her when I never even held her hand. I frowned again and he brushed it away again.  
  
"No, she didn't lave you because you're cold. She left you because I went to her. Remember our fight?"  
  
"Yeah, It's just that my mind is still a little foggy. I think I need a cup of coffee if we're going to talk." At least I wasn't lying. My brain did feel a little foggy. And I did need the caffeine.  
  
He got out of bed and went into the kitchen. Sometimes I wonder why he even owns a coffee pot when he won't drink the stuff. But I'm glad he does. Other wise I might have to go back to my room and make some to bring over with me.  
  
I can hear him in the kitchen, sifting through his cabinets. I sit up and climb out of his bed. It's so big. Regal almost. But I don't think I could expect anything less from him. That and his furniture. I walk out to the living room and sit in my favorite chair. It's big and made out of black leather. Almost matches my pants completely.  
  
He walks back in, not realizing that he's blatantly string at me for fifteen seconds straight. I should have out my coat back on.  
  
"Well?" He looked at me expectantly. "What do you want to talk about?"  
  
" Don't start playing coy. That's Rinoa shit. You don't play that game and neither do I. You know what I want to talk about." Hyne is bossy sometimes. I can't avoid this any longer  
  
" Us." I looked away for a second when I said it. I didn't want him to catch the look on my face.  
  
" Do you still want me Squall?" Hyne, what a fucked up question. And that's what he was thinking as well; I could see it written all over his face.  
  
" Of course I do. You know I do. Shit, yesterday you fucked me on my office desk. If I didn't want you do you think that would have happened?"  
  
" No." He sighed. "Do you love me?"  
  
A million thoughts raced through my head at that instant.  
  
"What the hell kind of question is that to ask me? I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're asking me stuff that I shouldn't answer when my brain is fuzzy." He rolled his eyes.  
  
"Well then don't think about the fucking answer and just say whatever you want to. I just need to fucking know."  
  
"…" I don't want him to hear my answer  
  
"I can't hear you when you mumble." He sounds annoyed, which he probably is. I don't want to fight with him now. Not when I'm ready to tell him.  
  
I can remember when I realized it.  
  
It was right after the sorceress war. I had just kissed Rinoa out on the balcony, my first kiss from a girl. The only other person to ever kiss me was Seifer. It wasn't at all what I expected. Nothing like his kisses. And I realized, it had to be only him.  
  
But back to the question at hand.  
  
  
  
"I said yeah, I do."  
  
"You… do?" He got a hopeful look on his face. He needed confirmation that I meant that I did love him. I could give him that now.  
  
"Yeah, I love you."  
  
His face shone like a diamond and a tear slid down his face.  
  
  
  
A/N: Just thought it might be nice to see Squall's POV on this chapter. I'm sorry it took so long to get things uploaded. I graduated form hell, I mean high school last Sunday, and everything's just been so busy. It's one o'clock in the morning and I need to go to bed. Please leave a nice little review and I'll try to get the next chapter up soon. If I can get the computer away from my brothers long, enough that is. The older one's addicted to Diablo 2 and the younger one just plays. Ai yi yi. 


	8. 7

Realizations  
  
Chapter 7  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own em, I'm just a spoony bard.  
  
Warning: This has some definite yaoi tones and some foul language, yeah, I know, big fat fucking deal.  
  
  
  
My heart dropped. He loves me. Squall, my lion, my knight, my happily ever after, loves me. I could have done Selphie's little happy dance. But I just couldn't bring myself to look like that big of an idiot.  
  
So, I kissed him. I was hungry inside for him. I wanted him, I wanted him to touch me, and I wanted to touch him.  
  
And he responded like fire. His kisses consumed me; his touch took my breath away.  
  
I think I tore his pants while trying to get them off him. And I know he tore my shirt. It was like nothing we'd ever experienced, even all the times we'd gone all night. This was passion, pure unadulterated passion. And I fucking loved it. We took our time this time around. Tomorrow be dammed but we took our time. No hurry, no haste, no rush in knowing that tomorrow one of us might die on a mission. All that mattered was that he was there and he loved me as much as I loved him.  
  
As we lay there in the dark, I held him close to me, his fingertips tickled against my side where he rested his hand.  
  
"I love you." He whispered in the dark. His voice was tight and I could feel him silently crying.  
  
"Then why are you crying?"  
  
"You're just so beautiful. So perfect. I can't believe you belong to me."  
  
"We belong to each other."  
  
"I realize that now."  
  
  
  
And SeeD be dammed, society be dammed, sorceress be damned. When I realized I loved him, and he realized he loved me, that was all that mattered.  
  
I may have a happily ever after after all.  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N Okay, that's it. I'm done. It's over. Any questions or comments, I'd love to hear them. And Hyne damnit, if ya don't leave me a review I'm gonna have to tie you up and make you watch old Barney movies and the entire Telletubbies series. And I will, I'm just that mean. And if ya do review, I'll give ya a cookie.  
  
  
  
Thank You's:  
  
First and foremost, I want to thank the people who have been reading this all the way through.  
  
That means redrum, Voice in the Wind, and leannan Thank you from the bottom of my butt. Cuz that's what I've been sitting on to write this.  
  
Secondly, I want to thank the people who have inspired me to get away from mushy het stuff and focus on a more challenging role, the author of boy love. Thank you to all of you who have written a yaoi that I read, you have become my inspiration.  
  
And that's it, I'm done Bye for now. 


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